By Dr Rudy Wietfeldt

In the Western world, 20th-century men were often taught to live by the creed of emotional restraint. From the pressure to provide during the Great Depression to the enduring image of the “strong, silent type,” society had long equated masculinity with self-control, stoicism, and a stiff upper lip. However, as the century progressed, psychological research and changing cultural values gradually shifted how we understood men’s emotional lives, challenging the long-standing suppression of vulnerability and emotional expression.

In this post, we’ll take a deeper dive into the cultural forces that shaped how men were taught about emotions in the 20th century and why rethinking these lessons is essential for mental well-being today.

The Early 20th Century: A Legacy of Stoicism

At the start of the 20th century, men were already inheriting a long-standing cultural ideal of stoicism. Leftover from Victorian times, the “ideal man” was expected to be self-reliant and emotionally restrained, keeping personal struggles hidden from view. Emotional expression, especially those considered "soft," like sadness or fear, was seen as a sign of weakness. Society rewarded men for demonstrating strength through silence, leaving little room for vulnerability.

During this time, traditional toys given to boys reinforced these lessons. Toys like toy soldiers, model planes, and cap guns encouraged boys to engage in play that emphasized courage, adventure, and war. These toys often came with unspoken messages: bravery was prized, while fear and vulnerability were not. The subtle message was that boys were meant to emulate the tough, unyielding heroes they played with, preparing them for the emotional restraint expected in adulthood.

The Impact of the Great Depression: Enduring Hardship in Silence

The Great Depression of the 1930s intensified the connection between masculinity and emotional suppression. As unemployment skyrocketed and many men lost their sense of identity as providers, they were expected to endure the emotional strain without complaint. Societal norms demanded that men soldier on, absorbing the blows of economic devastation while maintaining their composure.

For men, showing emotional pain during the Great Depression was often seen as an indulgence, something only afforded to those who weren't tasked with ensuring their family’s survival. This hardship not only taught men that emotions were to be buried but also reinforced the idea that their worth was tied solely to their ability to provide materially, regardless of the emotional toll.

The Two World Wars: Stoicism in the Face of Trauma

Both World Wars further entrenched the belief that men’s emotions were something to be controlled, particularly in the aftermath of trauma. Soldiers were expected to endure horrific conditions and return home without faltering. Those who experienced what we now understand as PTSD were often stigmatized, with terms like "shell shock" reflecting the perception that men had “cracked” under pressure rather than acknowledging the reality of psychological wounds.

This era also saw boys being socialized into stoicism through organized sports. As boys engaged in football, baseball, or other competitive sports, they were taught that “playing through the pain” was a virtue and emotional expression was a sign of weakness. Coaches often encouraged young athletes to suppress feelings of fear, vulnerability, or frustration, believing it would lead to mental toughness. Sports culture emphasized pushing through physical and emotional discomfort, shaping young boys into emotionally detached men.

 In post-war society, men were encouraged to suppress the emotional and psychological impacts of war. The notion of the "strong, silent type"—exemplified by figures like John Wayne—emerged as a cultural standard. These male icons were calm, resilient, and emotionally impervious, reinforcing the idea that a “real man” didn't dwell on his emotional pain, whether on the battlefield or at home.

The Post-War Boom: The Rise of the ‘Strong, Silent Type’

The prosperity of the 1950s and 1960s brought with it the ideal of the nuclear family, where men were expected to be the stoic breadwinners. Cultural icons in Hollywood further cemented this image of manhood: tough, reserved, and emotionally distant. Movies and media reinforced a narrow emotional script, where the only acceptable emotions for men were anger and pride, while tenderness, fear, and sadness were relegated to women and children.

In families, this emotional dynamic played out with men remaining largely detached from the nurturing roles within the home. While they were tasked with providing for their families, they were seldom expected to engage in open emotional expression or foster close emotional relationships with their children. This emotional distance, while seen as a form of strength, contributed to the isolation many men experienced in their personal lives.

This model of masculinity was also reinforced in the military and workforce, two pillars of post-war society where emotional suppression was often a requirement for success. The military’s focus on discipline, control, and survival left little room for emotional expression. In the workforce, men were expected to compartmentalize their emotions to maintain professionalism, further reinforcing the idea that “real men” kept their feelings hidden.

The Changing Tide: Psychology and Emotional Expression (1950s-1980s)

While stoicism remained dominant, the mid-20th century also saw the rise of new psychological theories that began to challenge traditional notions of emotion. Psychoanalysts like Sigmund Freud emphasized the importance of confronting repressed emotions, even though many men were hesitant to engage in these emerging forms of therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in the 1960s encouraged men to become more self-aware and emotionally expressive, but societal norms still largely equated masculinity with stoicism and control.

During this period, second-wave feminism began to critique these traditional gender roles, urging society to reconsider the emotional expectations placed on men. Feminist thinkers argued that suppressing emotions had detrimental effects not only on men's mental health but also on their relationships and overall well-being. This period marked the beginning of a slow shift in how men were allowed to express their emotions.

The Emotional Revolution: Men, Vulnerability, and the Rise of Emotional Intelligence (1990s-present)

By the 1990s, the term “toxic masculinity” began to surface in discussions about the detrimental effects of emotional suppression on men. This highlighted how the cultural emphasis on emotional control and dominance could harm men, fostering aggression, isolation, and poor mental health outcomes. The idea that men could only express anger, while other emotions were repressed, came under scrutiny.

In response, new concepts like Emotional Intelligence (EI) began to gain traction, which encouraged men to embrace emotional awareness and regulation. Men were encouraged to see vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness, leading to campaigns such as “Real Men Cry,” which sought to redefine emotional expression as an essential part of mental and emotional well-being.

 Today, the conversation around men and emotions is more nuanced. Mental health awareness campaigns and a growing body of research have emphasized the importance of breaking down the long-standing barriers that prevent men from experiencing the full range of human emotions. From fatherhood to relationships, men are now increasingly encouraged to be emotionally engaged and open, shedding the outdated “strong, silent” stereotype. But there is still a long way to go.

Rethinking What it Means to be ‘Strong’

While the 20th century may have taught men that emotional suppression was the hallmark of strength, the truth is that emotional health comes from balance. Emotional resilience isn't about never feeling fear, sadness, or vulnerability—it’s about understanding, processing, and expressing those emotions in healthy ways.

 At MindCare, we believe in the power of emotional intelligence to transform lives. Through the Homeostatic Emotion Regulation Theory (HERT) and Emotion Made Simple, men now have the tools to use their emotions accurately and effectively as the guiding forces they are. Rather than burying emotions or letting them spiral out of control, HERT teaches men to recognize the message behind each emotion, respond to it constructively, and let it serve its purpose in regulating their mental and emotional state.

 By embracing these tools, men can reclaim their emotional lives and unlock the full potential of their emotional intelligence, using emotions as guides rather than burdens. Whether in sports, the military, or the workforce, these skills empower men to find strength in understanding and utilizing their emotions rather than suppressing them.

If you’re ready to begin your own journey toward emotional mastery, check out our Emotion Made Simple course, where we dive deep into emotional regulation techniques that work for everyone—including men who are ready to break free from the barriers of emotional suppression.